there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
