Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
