why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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