I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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