can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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