Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
