ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
