next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
