all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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