well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
