got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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