Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
