why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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