she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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