Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
