My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
