so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
