I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize