i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
