OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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