I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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