someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
