This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
