id be glad to
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
