who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
