Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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