You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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