Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
