Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
