My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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