Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
