Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
