I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
