areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
