When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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