Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
