Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I supernannyed him into submission
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
