I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
