I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
