connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
