So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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