and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
