I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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