I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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