We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
