I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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