There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
