Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
