They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
