Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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