There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you win again, gameday.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
