at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
