She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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