did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
