Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
