Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
