Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
