My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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