If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
