He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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