I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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