Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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