I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
