It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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