Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
