At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
