What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
