it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
