I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
