also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
